Legacy of a father\’s love

As we celebrated Father\’s Day, how do we know that our father loves and cares for us?

Well, within the older Merdeka generation, our parents demonstrated love for us almost entirely by providing for us.

And our mothers loved us by caring for all our needs at home, in school and beyond, while father was out of the home busy making ends meet.

Today\’s generation may need more than such provisional love. They need to feel and experience the tender loving care of a hug, of verbal assurance that everything is okay, and most importantly; with them hearing the words, \”I love you.\”

The modern world challenges their security and identity and they need to know who they really are and where is home.

There is no father\’s love or parent\’s love without our Father\’s Love.

That is foundational to the Christian message of love. There is one author who wrote, \”I dared to call him Father.\”

To call one a father is to affirm and establish publicly that one is the child of the father.

Fatherhood also defines one\’s physical identity in life. Later it could be also specify the spiritual identity in life.

Children are therefore always called to obey parents and to learn to know and experience the Ultimate Father\’s Love.

Obedience to parents is a life-long activity; especially if the Good Lord gives them longer lives.

Even when the parents are gone, some other authority figure assumes this role if we are not so well \”educated and nurtured by our parents.\”

Sometimes these could even become prison officials.

My siblings and in-laws are blessed to have a father who is now 90 years old. And, for his 90th birthday, we, together with a co-author produced a book to honour both our Father\’s and called it, \”The Legacy of a Father\’s Love.\”

Dr Chandra Muzzafar launched our book on Dad\’s birthday at a function we had to honour and give thanks for his 90 years of blessed life.

Chanrdra\’s father and grandfather were good friends with my father.

Catching values

Tun Dr Mahathir was also kind enough to write one of the forewords, as he too was a business associate of my father during the 12 years of his life when the Maha Clinic in Alor Star bought pharmaceuticals from the Kedah Medical Hall in Sungai Petani.

The book is available at www.OHMSI.net

This concept and role of a father is more than a biological ideal. We have all had many father figures in our lives.

Many are positive role players and some assume the role rather poorly. Nonetheless, we can learn much from the good and bad examples of such mentors.

Barack Obama talks about the poor example of his now deceased father. Najib Tun Rajak talks about the excellent example of his father.

Good mentorship is always a three generational issue. Our father-type mentors and role-models are actually always experimenting with their experiential lessons learnt from their good role models upon us.

For there is never a school of fatherhood and no one ever graduates from this school! In fact, like motherhood, or parenting, fatherhood is a role of a lifetime; because the fruits of one\’s labour or lack of harvest thereof, becomes visible in our children and their children. Therefore, one never stops learning about fatherhood and mentoring.

Both must be well learned in order to translate these values caught through healthy relationships into leadership principles for the younger ones entrusted in our care and love.

Yes, such values are always caught and not taught. As I think and reflect on the real meaning of father\’s day; I received the best surprise a father can get!

The sincere greetings of three of my older children vide a phone call all the way from the Palo Alto area. They joined me virtually vide a phone call.

Thank God for technology. While Najib had to wait 10 days after writing his letter by snail mail, I have the privilege of talking real time with my older three; thanks Daenielle, Josef and Johann.

It was my pleasure and delight as you kept the breakfast date the others forgot!

I have been reflecting a lot about good mentorship since we wrote the book on the legacy of a father\’s love.

I have therefore decided to expand my father\’s day wishes to all the father role-models in my life.

Fathersas leaders

First there was the late Kochu Koshy Achen who gave me my first bible before I was 12 years old and took me to my first youth camp.

Then there was Uncle Glugor Baby who encouraged me whenever I played volleyball. After HSC and before University, at a Scripture Union Camp that a Mr Ong invited me to, I came to know God as my father and not just \”grandfather!\”

Rev Bill Love, Pastor of Alor Star Baptist Church preached on \”God has no Grandchildren!\”

Then there were my RMC teachers who inspired me like the late Michael Loh and Li Jeong Ki or CT Thomas and TT Oomen.

Then there were my undergraduate University Professors from America like Jacobus and Marshall Singer.

After I graduated with a degree, and I believe that I was probably the first in my clan and extended family to have one, my Godfather Uncle KA Abraham put it to me that I could still become a \”doctor;\” as that was my father\’s wish for me.

I was feeling that I failed him in not becoming a medical doctor. Uncle Abraham talked about his brother Professor Koshy Abraham and the possibility of becoming a PhD holder and still being called a \”doctor.\”

At work I had many mentors like the first one who taught me \”do not give me problems, only solutions!\” or the one who said \”we do not like very clever officers in the public service,\” or the great Elyas Omar who became my first role model of a person whose leadership model I was willing to actually emulate.

There were many others. Some strict, maybe too much, some too self-centred, and some very insecure!

Some have remained friends till today, as partners in our journey of life.

But I learnt a great lesson having lived and worked in formal systems with many of them for 32 years.

The most important lesson I learned from all these mentor-bosses and community of leader-mentors is that one has to always seek to live a life of integrity, nothing else really matters.

The courage of living an integrated life of integrity is therefore a challenge for all.

Whether parents or children, unless we live by this, I am not entirely sure that we have bequeathed a good role model of leadership for our children and grandchildren.

May God bless Malaysia to have many excellent families that have a generationally positive impact.

A Blessed Fathers Day to all fathers and mentor-leaders in the world.