Ever since I can remember, my father always flew the flag on Merdeka day. After all, he was the one who read the Independence Day speech on behalf of the Sultan of Kedah at the Ibrahim Secondary School in Sungai Petani.

He had very many reasons to fly the flag. He sat on the Malay Language Committee to test new citizens on their knowledge of Malay; with what little he knew being a migrant himself. He was an elected councillor for the Sungai Petani district. He was a businessperson and a founding member of the Kedah MIC; the King awarded him a PJN for his social and community activities.

He therefore always flew the flag and would chastise us if we did not fly one, even up today. He is 87 years of age, by the Grace of God.

My youngest son knows only about Merdeka Day as taught in school and from what he has observed and learnt through family life. Since he goes to a Chinese-medium school, I presume he learns about Merdeka from the Chinese Malaysian worldview and philosophy.

Every year he is given homework to draw a picture of independence day. Since he is not a natural artist, he spends many hours doing this before every Merdeka. Also every year about mid-August, the kids usually help me take out the flag and we get to put it up together.

This year was different. Daenielle took out the flag and Isaak brought it to me, but yours truly did not find time to hang it for almost about a week. In the final week, I then looked desperately for raffia string but could not find one long enough. I put the flag on a loose pole and set it aside, planning to put it up the next day.

That day almost never came, except for Jeshua\’s determination to fly the flag. Two days before Merdeka day, he went into the store room, dug up an old length of rope, tried for about half an hour to put up the flag and gave up. Then he took out the small flag we had been given free of charge at a store and taped it above our mailbox. He had done his part for Merdeka and was very proud. Dad was slightly ashamed.

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I had gone upstairs and seen what he was trying to do, so I used the rope to finally hang up the flag the day before Merdeka. But, to be honest, I was not sure if I really wanted to fly the flag – for the first time, I had mixed feelings about the flag and all that it meant to me.

I wondered why I felt this way but wasn\’t sure of the reason. I considered writing about my real feelings, only to find that many other Malaysians had expressed equally mixed feelings in the newspapers and in malaysiakini. They captured my feelings and reasons in one way or another.

Understand mixed feelings

But, I must thank Jeshua for helping me come to grips with my own reality and I am still glad that I did finally fly the flag. At the Royal Military College, we were taught to salute the flag.

It stands for everything Malaysian as fully enshrined in the Rukunegara; it does not have the first King\’s face, nor the first PM\’s face; not the keris or Ketuanan Melayu agenda, but captures the essence of the Federal Constitution and all that Merdeka meant that day 49 years ago. It represents all our Kings and past leaders and their aspirations, and all our dreams and hopes as Malaysians.

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Only we can give real vision and real value to the symbol of the flag. If no Malaysian flies it, the spirit of Merdeka is gone; and with it, the vision, dreams and hopes of our forefathers and independence fighters. In short, we would have given up hope as Malaysians.

I liked all the letters in malaysiakini and my challenge to the editors is collect and publish these statements of hope, aspirations and disappointment in a book – and send copies to the cabinet so that ministers know the real feelings of Malaysians, who are what make Malaysia special.

The information minister needs to understand that people can choose to fly the flag – if they don\’t, we must take time to understand why. I believe all those who wrote the letters are doing more than flying their flags physically. They are as much real heroes as Bapa Malaysia who led the shouts of \’Merdeka!\’ and Chin Peng and the Communist Party of Malaya, who fought for independence more, for example, than Singaporeans.

Among the best of the letters was the one about the real challenge and reasons why the flag is not even more gemilang. The writer said she flies the flag in the heart. The information minister should read about these flags in our hearts, instead of questioning the 80 percent of Malaysians who do not fly the flag, at least in my area. Maybe then we can begin to really prepare for the 50th Merdeka Day, or is it only the 44th, as a Sabahan argued with conviction.

Model of celebration

I think this issue is worth thinking about even more seriously, if we want all Malaysians to really fly the flag, whether in their hearts or at their home. So my rhetorical question is: Is the next anniversary of Merdeka our 50th or 44th? It is worthwhile for the cabinet to review this? It relates to both national unity and integration, as well as to national Integrity.

Let me make a case for both and then let us think through which model of celebration we can adopt so that all Malaysians will and can celebrate this real independence and be thankful for our

fortunate and worthwhile past; and one that also correctly defines the present and our future.

For Peninsular Malayans, it will be the 50th Merdeka, with or without Sabah, Singapore (then) and Sarawak. That we became Malaysia was due to divine providence and the choice of the peoples and histories of those three states. None of us can change such history, but we can all seek to better understand and reflect this in celebrating so-called National Day.

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For Sabah and Sarawak, it can only be their 44th independence day. To them, it was independence from British colonial rule, so they too can shout \’Merdeka!\’ for the 44th time. Such is history and reality.

A possible win-win-win way out would be to begin our 50th Merdeka celebrations in Putrajaya or at Dataran Merdeka on Aug 31, 2007, but continue celebrating for two weeks until the Malaysia Day on Sept 16. We could tag this \’from Merdeka to Malaysia\’.

It will become our road to real independence. It is always a good reminder that our multi-racialism and multi-culturalism is a fragile one that must be reinforced if we want to become a Bangsa Malaysia and developed nation by 2020.

May God Bless Malaysia as we journey into our 50th Merdeka and may all of us find it in our hearts to fly the Jalur Gemilang.

Jeshua, thank you for teaching Daddy an important lesson about flying the flag.