This past week, my closest Malay friend and classmate since Form 1 (1962) passed away; his Kairos time had come. May God Bless his soul and give his family comfort as they transition into a world without a father, husband, close relative, and a friend to all. Mat Tahir was a very sincere friend and a faithful sojourner with me in this journey of life.
The last three weeks were particularly bad as Tahir could not eat and had to be fed intravenously. His stomach was so badly infected with cancer that his body could not take in any food at all. The hospital staff and doctors did their best for him and mostly his family was there for him until the very final minutes. In the last days and moments, Tahir even asked to taste some of his favorite foods and drinks. He knew he was going. Tahir went peacefully and was very ready to go. He even had a dream that his mother called him home into eternity. He blessed many of his friends and relatives in the way he went down fighting. He served to lead even in the final moments, in the true spirit of his alma mater.
Nevertheless, my feelings about Tahir\’s leaving are mixed. On the one hand I am angry with the medical system, his employers and insurance companies. Although he did umpteen medical check-ups in the last so many years, they did not \’pick up traces of the colon cancer\’! One the other hand I am glad that Tahir did not have to suffer very long. In the almost four months after the diagnosis and surgery, he is gone. But I dare say that the last three months or so were some of his best times as all his many, many good friends came to visit him and spend valuable time with him Of course, that three months were also some of his worst.
This year was also one of his best years as he did many activities that his many friends of similar vintage cannot, or could not do. He even cycled off-the-road in Bukit Ibam with a whole bunch of friends from the Royal Military College Alumni. I am told that Tahir actually even completed a 72-kilometer track ride on his mountain bike. All this while he kept complaining about a consistent stomach ache, very often. He had a lot of gas in his stomach. And he visited a specialist centre in Kajang many times; but was only treated for stomach gasses. He did his regular medical check-ups too, according to his oldest child, a pharmacist.
Whose carelessness?
My righteous anger question is: \’Why did no doctor in all these years of check-ups request a colonoscopy; the only full-proof way to rule out colon cancer?\’ Therefore, my question is, \’Who betrayed my friend?\’ Why did the fittest, most active and most beautiful person amongst us not get diagnosed with cancer much earlier? I am told that Tahir\’s cancer was already at stage four; and may have been in the making for many years. Why did all the \’required medical check-ups\’ not reveal this ailment any sooner or earlier? Is it merely bribery and corruption in our system? Are insurance companies deciding what kind of minimal check-ups are done? Are doctors so blind that they rule out the possibility of colon cancer?
Why it that the medical policy in Singapore dictates a compulsory colonoscopy for every male above 40 years, but that is not done here? Whose carelessness is it that Tahir was not diagnosed with cancer any sooner? Can we simply dismiss all this as \’fate\’ and blame God for every silent victim of every uncontrollable problem? What happened to our Malaysia Boleh spirit? What is the role and responsibility of man for his our own care? Did not Tahir do all it took for his personal health care? He did not smoke, did not drink and was always exercising! Unlike the government and insurance companies, I therefore cannot blame \’force majeure\’ (the insurance lingo for factors beyond man\’s control) because my dignity studies tell me that man has a God-given dignity which respects and understands destiny and must become both responsible and accountable for all the choices we make in life.
Every being is a responsible, accountable, creative human personality. It is our systems that abuse the human person. To my heart and mind Tahir did all that was within his part exceptionally well, sincerely and faithfully. Why then did he have to go so soon? Was this man- ordained or God-ordained or system-defined – sovereignty of God aside?
What bothers me very much is our rather cavalier attitude about life and death. We see it with Mat Rempits; we see it at every holiday season with the number of deaths on the road. We do not seem to value life the way God does, I think. God calls us to be both responsible and accountable stewards of the life he has given us; we only pass this way once. In fact, I was deeply hurt by a senior gentleman at the hospital bed when I arrived too late for Tahir\’s last moments and sobbed loudly for Tahir\’s \’unnecessary passing\’. He told me that Tahir was fine with Allah, and I need not cry!
Dignity of life
Pardon me; but I want to cry for my sincere and faithful friend. I am humanly sad at his untimely and unnecessary passing at the ripe age of 57. We have been journeying together for many years; 44 years to be exact. We have laughed together, cried together and shared many things together; including sharing our \’value formation years\’ together at RMC, rooming together at university, and even starting a home together after graduation. All our campus years were together; whether in classes or in the rugby and athletics fields and we did many things together and had some of the best times of our lives as any two good friends would.
Those were the days; and we were in fact the May 13 graduates having entered on May13, 1969 and having graduated on May 13, 1972 from the Economics Faculty of Universiti Malaya. While I am equally concerned about the eternal destiny of Tahir\’s soul, merely poor and superficial theology is really not going to change anything! In his last days, Tahir wanted to be a real soldier and to \’fight the cancer like the enemy; this is war\’, he told his wife and I. Bless her heart because Yom, his wife stood faithfully by him to fulfill his wish until the very end. Thank you Yom for your steadfastness and faithfulness to Tahir; and you honouring his wish for how he wanted to finish his life on earth.
It is greatly appreciated and respected by all of us in his vintage at the RMC. The value of human life cannot be taken for granted and neither can we play God in another\’s life. Tahir\’s wish was that he would fight the cancer with all his might and strength; which he did very well as he always did with all things he believed in. Well done my friend, you are a true soldier of our alma mater; you truly served to lead until the very end!
All life has eternal value; because God created man in his image. And the value of a person cannot be reduced just because one is \’not well\’ or \’abnormal\’ in some distinctive way. The dignity of life belongs to each of us and we have to live out that destiny; personally, responsibly and accountably. No one else can do it for us. I also believe that Man is made up of three identifiable parts – the body, the spirit and the soul. The soul is made up of the mind, emotion and will. Tahir therefore was able to recognise everyone who came until his very last moments as his mind, emotions and will were intact and quite able until the very end, though often drugged with painkillers.
Questions remain
He was very conscious and concerned about all the things around him until the very end. It was merely his body that was being severely undermined by the cancer cells. In fact, on the morning before he left; he called all relatives and virtually bade farewell to all of them. He lived and died with true human dignity.
The theological and unasked billion dollar question then is this: \’Iis Tahir in heaven?\’ That was probably what the elder relative of Tahir was trying to assure me of; but then I was not crying for his spirit but rather for his body and soul which were the person I knew as a friend and sojourner in this journey of life.
The judgment about the spirit, to my heart and mind, belongs only to God and I would not venture to even guess a judgment as I would then anthropomorphise God. The scriptures declare, \’Judgment is mine, says the Lord!\’ Other than judges who are ordained to do so by the law, we fall victim to God-like attitudes when we \’judge\’ on matters that are in the domain of God\’s judgment and not in man\’s.
So pardon me, but I simply want to remember Tahir as the sincere and faithful friend who lived a good and complete happy life as husband, father and friend to all who knew him. That is good enough for me and for the rest I will wait for the other side of eternity to find out. But my righteous anger questions remain, \’Who betrayed my friend Mat Tahir Ayob?\’ And \’Why did the system not detect the cancer many years ago so that he could have got it treated earlier?\’
God bless your soul and spirit, Mat Tahir Ayob, my sincere, good and faithful friend. We will all miss you this Christmas and for the New Year.
